Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Archive for the tag “salsa dancing”

Houston hottie’s smile takes a back seat to her back seat

Brittney Alex VegaHouston, TX – Local Latina heart-throb Brittney Alexa Vega was informed today that her smile – pretty as it is, is not the main focal point of her amateur photographer friends. According to an official audit conducted by Facebook, of the more than 1,000 photos in her online photo albums, nearly 800 of them are of her butt.

Facebook representative Daryle Rico, who conducted the audit stated, “I’m pretty sure my numbers are accurate. I counted her photos 14 times.”

“I can’t say that I am totally surprised,” blushed Brittney upon hearing the news. “So much for wearing braces for 2 1/2 years.”

According to Brittney, it’s not just the guys who are enamored with her back bumper. Says Brittney “The girls can’t keep their hands off my booty either.”

Booty collage

These photos demonstrate the growing popularity of what is quickly becoming known as the BBB – Brittney’s Beautiful Booty.

Despite the news, the aspiring model remains optimistic of her future. Says Brittney, “It’s really exciting to think that my best years may be behind me.”

As a professional salsa dancer, Brittney’s booty has been admired throughout the Southwest as well as parts of Africa. And many have compared Brittney’s hind quarters to that of another popular Latina starlet: Jennifer Lopez. “Some critics have told me that my butt isn’t as sexy as J-Lo’s, but I don’t let it bother me” says Brittney. “Besides, mama always taught me to turn the other cheek.”

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Family dog helps illegal alien train for grueling swim home

Vasco, Anotnio’s personal swimming coach, teaches his master the finer points of the dog paddle.

Portland, OR – When Antonio Torres was informed by immigration officials that his green card had been revoked, he knew he had a rough road ahead of him. Or, to be more accurate, a tough swim. That’s because Torres, until recently, did not know the first thing about treading water.

Though a gifted salsero and amateur prize-fighter, Torres was in over his head in a swimming pool.

“I was a fish out of water in the water,” explained Torres. “I entered this country by automobile over the Rio Grande – not through it.”

So rather than suffering the indignity of deportation and riding the dreaded green bus back to Mexico, Torres chose to swim across the U.S. – Mexican border instead. That called for some quick lessons from a loyal friend.

After a long day of training, Vasco sleeps off a six-pack of Corona on his master’s bed.

“I’ve learned most of my technique from my dog, Vasco,” said Torres. “My dog paddle is just about perfect but I still need to work on my breast stroke.”

According to Jennifer Ford, his main squeeze and performance partner, “Vasco has taught Antonio everything he knows about swimming. In fact, Antonio even shakes  himself dry before entering the house.”

Torres predicts it should take him the better part of the day to make the one-hundred yard swim across the Rio Grande, depending on the current and how long his water wings hold out. “At least the rush hour traffic should be going the opposite direction,” he added.

Local dancers banned from Salsa Championships following allegations of steroid use

Sergio Villalobos and his partner dance their way into the semi-finals of the 2012 World Salsa Championships.

Seattle, WA – Local Costa Rican national Sergio Villalobos and his partner were placed on a lifetime ban by the World Salsa Federation today after both tested positive for steroids during a random drug test. The ban was effective immediately and will bar Villalobos from defending his title at the World Salsa Congress in Miami, Florida later this year.

According to insiders, Federation officials first became suspicious of Villalobos after a surprising third place finish in the amateur division at the River City Salsa Festival last May.  In addition, both Villalobos and his partner exhibited telltale signs of steroid use. “He had put on about 50 pounds since he last performed,” said Daryle Rico, “and both of them were sporting an excess of orange body hair.”

Villalobos denied the allegations and blamed the drug test results of a flawed procedure. “I was so nervous and shaky during the test that I could barely pee into the cup,” claimed Villalobos. “Look, my hands are still soaked!”

According to George Caceres of the River City Salsa Festival, steroid use is considered rare in the salsa community. “You might see a dancer sipping on a Red Bull for a little extra energy,” said Caceres, “but full-blown steroid use is unheard of. If you ask me, Villalobos just enjoys taking injections in the butt.”

Villalobos, says he will fight the lifetime suspension. In the meanwhile, both he and his partner will continue to rehearse, pending a final ruling. “Regardless of what anyone may think about the two of us taking steroids,” said Villalobos, “you have to admit we are an awfully cute couple.”

Champion salsa dancer renews commitment to becoming a Chippendale’s dancer

Tualatin, OR – No sooner was Israel Guerrero crowned champion of a recent dance competition than he was packing his bags for Las Vegas and renewing his goal of becoming a Chippendale’s dancer.

“What can I say,” admitted Guerrero, “I like the leather pants.”

Guerrero and his dance partner/instructor Dahiana Oliver were recent winners of the 2012 Student Teacher Salsa Contest, which was held at Portland’s exotic Conga Club.

“I’ve never seen Israel dance better in his life.” boasted Oliver of her partner. “If he keeps this up, I’ll have to stop calling him el hombre con dos pies izquierdos.” As for Israel’s chances of becoming a Chippendale’s Dancer? “I hope he’s keeping his day job,” said Oliver.

For Guerrero, joining the Chippendale’s dance troupe is a lifelong dream. “I love dancing under hot lights and hearing women scream my name,” said Guerrero.  “Dancing is in my blood.”

His longtime girlfriend, Linda Maldonado added, “If there is anything in his blood, I hope there is an antidote for it, because I sure don’t want to catch it.”

Guererro hopes his next job in Vegas will be as a Chippendale’s dancer and not as a parking lot attendant.

“I really like the Chippendale’s dance outfits, too,” says Guerrero. “They are really quite sexy.” Maldonado confirms her boyfriend’s affinity for sexy attire. “He has more satin and silk in his closet than I have in my panty drawer,” says Maldonado.

Guerrero claims to have been training for years to be a Chippendale’s dancer. “I have only been dancing for a couple of weeks,” he said, “but I have been shaving my chest for about 15 years.”

“You do not want to see our bathroom sink,” added Maldonado.

Guererro and Oliver proudly display the king sized pesos they earned in the recent Student Teacher Salsa Contest.

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