Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Archive for the tag “Malaysia”

Local beauty reaches Miss Malaysia Finals; trained water buffalo act fails to impress

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia – When local hottie Mona Poomy reached the finals of the Miss Malaysia beauty pageant, she thought she had it won. “I was practically counting my roses,” admitted Poomy, after the event.

Malaysian Swimsuit Competition

The swimsuit competition of the Miss Malaysia Pageant is widely regarded as the world’s most boring.

Poomy, whose shocking camouflage bikini in the swimsuit competition catapulted her to the final round of five contestants, was counting on the talent portion of the show to put her over the top.

In previous years, Miss Malaysia contestants have sang, danced and even somersaulted their way to the title, but Poomy decided to surprise the crowd with her famous water buffalo act. “Our performance is not all that difficult,” said Poomy. “In fact, the hardest part of our routine is getting him to ride the elevator on the way to the stage.”

According to her fans and neighbors, many of whom braved the arduous 125 mile trek from her hometown of Ipok, Perak to watch her perform, Poomy and her water buffalo present a dramatic contrast in size and shape when on stage. Poomy, who weighs barely 100 pounds soaking wet is dwarfed by her pet who tips the scales at over 1,200 pounds. “I don’t know why he’s such a fat ass,” complained Poomy, “I’ve had him on a vegetarian diet all his life.”

Little Mona and water buffalo

Poomy and her pet water buffalo have trained together for nearly 20 years.

Says Poomy, she and her pet have been entertaining neighborhood families for years, earning wild ovations with her impressive feats of balance and coordination. “When I was a little girl, I would juggle mangoes while tap-dancing on his back,” bragged Poomy. “Even then I knew how to wow a crowd!”

Stampeded Auditorium

The Kuala Lumpur Amphitheater, which hosted the Miss Malaysia Pageant, is left in shambles.

Alas, Poomy’s dreams of fame and fortune were not meant to be. For as the crowd welcomed her and her pet with a thunderous round of applause, her water buffalo panicked and stampeded into the audience, bringing the pageant to an abrupt end.

“Well, ” sighed a disappointed Poomy, “he always knew how to bring a crowd to its feet.”

Angry Malaysian claims wool mattress is over-rated

Angry Malaysian demands full refund claims wool mattress over-rated, Rico's RamblingsPerth, Australia – When Mona Poomy found a new sleep system for sale in the local newspaper, she thought her dreams of a better night’s sleep were about to come true. But after three sleepless nights, the pretty young sleepyhead has found herself wanting her money back.

“I was completely ripped-off,” Poomy declared. “For starters, I was told I was getting a ‘complete sleep system’. Instead, all I got was a lumpy wool mattress. Secondly, I was not even told that I would have to do all my sleeping outdoors!”

Poomy’s disappointment didn’t end there, however. “Have you ever tried sleeping on a herd of sheep?” asked Poomy. “So far, I have ended up nine miles from my house, and there is isn’t a decent patch of grass left in the neighborhood!”

While initially excited about her new bed, Poomy says sleeping on a wool mattress definitely has its disadvantages. “I’ve never had to feed my bed before,” says Poomy, “and I really don’t have time to be shoveling sheep poop all day.”

wool mattressPoomy sheepishly admits that she may have been tricked into making her new purchase. “You know,” says Poomy, “I’m a college educated girl. So I’m a bit surprised that anyone could pull the wool over my eyes quite this easily.”

So far, Poomy has been unsuccessful in getting a refund. “At this rate,” says Poomy, “I may just cut my losses and hold a barbecue.”

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