Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Archive for the tag “love”

Romeo’s effort to clone sweetie pie sends him baaack to drawing board

Kristi Clone 3Portland, OR – Research scientists at renown Oregon Health and Science University were dealt a setback today when a cloning experiment went terribly awry.  “We did not quite have the results we were hoping for,” stated Dr. Neil Carter, who headed the experiment.

According to inside sources, the experiment was funded by Daryle Rico who was seeking to clone his new heart-throb, Kristi Lemos.  “She’s a busy girl,” said Rico “and sometimes there is simply not enough of her to go around.”

Researchers claim that the clone is a 90% exact replica of Lemos. “We obviously have a little tweaking to do,” added Carter sheepishly.

While researchers remain confident that they will eventually be able to perfect the cloning process, Rico is actually satisfied with the results thus far. “I’m looking on the bright side,” say Rico. “The lawn has never looked better and I’ve got more wool than I know what to do with.”


Hottie chooses “Sugar Pants” as new pet name; “Honey Britches” finishes distant third

Clackamas, OR – If there is one thing that local resident Kristi Lemos has enjoyed over the years it’s her fair share of pet names. The comely salsera claims to go by no fewer than five nicknames at any one time, but in an effort to reduce confusion within her social dancing circle, Lemos decided it might be best to go with just one. “It gets a little crazy with everyone calling you something different,” says Lemos. “Throw in a few Mexican accents and it’s just plain loco.”

Lemos says she has been using pet names most of her life. “I went all through grade school being called Kristi Kreme donut,” says Lemos. Most pet names in the past have been terms of endearment or words to describe her striking pair of physical attributes. “Well, I suppose that’s true,” blushed Lemos, “not a day goes by that I don’t hear about my dimples.”

Kristi "Sugar Pants" Lemos

Kristi “Sugar Pants” Lemos

To make things interesting, Lemos held an online competition for her naming rights, a move which attracted entries from all four corners of Clackamas County. “I can’t tell you all the entries I received,” said Lemos, “after all, the county is a bit red neck.”

More than 500 entries were received, which Lemos quickly narrowed down to three finalists. An online poll determined the winner. “Sugar Pants” garnered 47% of the vote, followed close behind by “CinneBuns“. “Honey Britches” brought up the rear.

Lemos claims she loves her new pet name and is even considering vanity plates for the family car. Says Lemos, “I like SUGAR PANTS  a whole lot better than GBT 417.”

Woman’s search for Mr. Right ends at local Jack-in-the-Box

“He literally swept me off my feet,” says Winkle of her new love interest.

Ahwatukee, AZ – If there is one thing you can say about Mackenzie Winkle, it’s that she’s persistent. The former track and field star recently announced that her 12 year hunt for Mr. Right is finally over. Winkle, who reportedly scoured nearly every corner of the globe in search of her soul mate, eventually found him at a nearby fast food restaurant.

“He was standing in front of me ordering a banana milkshake,” exclaimed an excited Winkle of her new beau. “It was literally love at first sight.”

Winkle’s family, however, is less than thrilled over her discovery, for as it turns out, her new love interest is a 300 lb. silverback gorilla.

“We were kind of hoping she’d meet a doctor or a lawyer,” said her father. “Hell, we would have probably even settled for the town drunk. But this character was not even on our radar.”

As for Winkle, however, she claims her new beau has everything she’s every wanted in a male. “For one, he’s really, really strong,” claims Winkle. “Plus, I’ve always had a thing for guys with hairy chests. And did I mention that he was strong?”

Winkle claims she beat the bush looking for Mr. Right. “It’s a real jungle out there,” she claims.

Winkle says her new boyfriend is self-employed and works in the sports entertainment field. “He’s pretty famous in the Phoenix area,” she added.

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