Portland, OR – Police investigators looking into a single car accident that occurred last Friday evening have concluded that the mishap was the result of drinking and driving. The driver of the vehicle, who was uninjured, was reportedly found just a few feet away from his overturned vehicle with a bottle in his hand. Authorities speculate that the driver managed to crawl away from his vehicle shortly after it overturned.
“It’s pretty clear he had been drinking behind the wheel,” said lead investigator Daryle Rico of the Oregon State Patrol. “When we found him passed out near his car, he still had a death grip on his bottle.”
The identity of the driver was not revealed because of his underage status. No other vehicles were involved in the mishap, and only minor property damage was reported. “It could have been a lot worse,” acknowledged Rico. “He could have pooped his diaper.”