Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Archive for the tag “baby”

Underage drinker charged in recent driving mishap

Drunk BabyPortland, OR – Police investigators looking into a single car accident that occurred last Friday evening have concluded that the mishap was the result of drinking and driving. The driver of the vehicle, who was uninjured, was reportedly found just a few feet away from his overturned vehicle with a bottle in his hand. Authorities speculate that the driver managed to crawl away from his vehicle shortly after it overturned.

“It’s pretty clear he had been drinking behind the wheel,” said lead investigator Daryle Rico of the Oregon State Patrol. “When we found him passed out near his car, he still had a death grip on his bottle.”

The identity of the driver was not revealed because of his underage status. No other vehicles were involved in the mishap, and only minor property damage was reported. “It could have been a lot worse,” acknowledged Rico. “He could have pooped his diaper.”

Beaverton baby steps up efforts to claim Grand Prize

Little Mason hopes posting a few pics of his hot mommy earns him a few extra votes.

Beaverton, OR – As voting for the national Gerber Generation Photo Contest enters its last two weeks, little Mason Ly is pulling out all the stops to bring home the grand prize. In addition to hosting his own blog, the youngster has also taken to posting photos of him and his mother to help earn a few extra votes.

“I’m trying to appeal to male voters,” said Mason “and let’s face it, my mom is hot!”

According to Mason, the hardest part about the campaign has been trying to pace himself. “I used my best photos right out of the gate hoping to build an early lead in the voting. But a lot of those caucasian kids didn’t take the hint and are still in the race.”

Mason is quick to remind his supporters that the photo contest is a month-long campaign and that they need to vote every day, now through September 24th.

“If my fans would vote for me as soon as they jump on

Mason hopes the Donkey Kong Fan vote will help him claim the Grand Prize.

Facebook instead of looking for the crap that that stupid Daryle Rico writes, I could win this thing going away,” claims Mason.

Ever the self-promoter, Mason reminds his fans that they can vote for him by clicking on the link below:

Click here to vote for Mason!

Bragging rights for cutest baby on Facebook turns ugly

Portland, OR – What began as a few proud mothers sharing photos of their babies on Facebook turned ugly last Friday when a cat fight broke out on the Internet. It seems that a few mothers were not content with simply posting photos of their own children but had taken the extraordinary step of trash-talking other babies.

Comments ranging from ‘your baby is a bed-wetter’ to ‘I’ve seen used diapers that are cuter’ have been appearing more and more frequently on Facebook, the popular social media website. Although most of the posts are made under assumed names, savvy Internet users have been able to track the guilty parties down by their IP addresses.

“I challenge any bitch who says she has a cuter baby than mine,” boasted a proud Francoise Ly, to no one in particular.

“Pffft,” replied Kieu Ho. “The diaper rash on my son’s butt is cuter than her kid!”

Social media experts say the epicenter of the cat fight is Portland, Oregon, but  that similar incidents have unfolded throughout cyber space, with hot mommies across the country calling each other out. Health officials attribute the online cat fighting to a rare form of post partem depression that is particularly prevalent in new mothers.

“Clearly, this is just estrogen run amuck,” said social media expert Daryle Rico. “Personally, I blame Instagram and the smart phone.”

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