Salvadoran narrowly escapes death posing as small woodland creature
Boring, OR – Calling it as close to a near death experience as he has ever had, Salvadoran immigrant Frank Vasquez barely escaped serious injury last Sunday when he was fired upon by a group of local hunters.
Vasquez claims he was simply hunting for mushrooms when he suddenly found himself in the cross hairs of approximately five hunters. “There were bullets flying in all directions,” claimed Vasquez. “You would have thought I was in East LA – not the Mt. Hood National Forest.”
State game officials called the near accident a simple case of mistaken identity. “I think they thought he was just a large squirrel,” said officer Daryle Rico, referring to a hat Vasquez was wearing at the time. Rico claimed the hat bore a striking resemblance to many of the small woodland creatures that inhabit the area.
“I was trying to keep my ears warm,” claimed an angry Vasquez, “not get them shot off.”
Game officials were less than sympathetic to Vasquez. “He really has no one to blame but himself,” said Rico. “If I had a chance to take down a 200 lb. chipmunk, I’m pretty sure I would have taken a shot at him too.”
“I’m just lucky those guys were all drunk and couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn,” said Vasquez. “It’s also a good thing I was wearing my brown pants at the time.”