Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Suspicious UPS deliveries lead to capture of Count Dracula

Blood

Evidence seized from the home of Todd Er, aka Count Dracula.

Portland, OR – In what local police are calling the biggest fugitive arrest in recent memory, authorities today announced the capture of the infamous Count Dracula. Dracula, who was apprehended in a southwest Portland suburb, was living under the alias Todd Er.

According to police insiders, authorities were alerted to Dracula’s whereabouts by Daryle Rico, a part-time delivery driver for United Parcel Service. “I’ve been delivering blood to the guy for about 12 years,” said Rico. “And the weird thing was, he never accepted delivery during the daylight hours.” UPS records indicate deliveries in excess of 48 gallons of blood over a 10 year period.

dracula

Prior to his arrest on Friday, Count Dracula had been on the lam since 1476.

Todd

Dracula, who has gotten even uglier over the years, still looks surprisingly good for his age.

Local police, working with the FBI and officials at the Oregon chapter of the Red Cross, finally put two and two together, and realized Er’s true identity. “This arrest was a long time coming,” said chief investigating officer Richard “Dick” Tracy. Dracula, who has been a fugitive since 1476, was reportedly spry for someone 650 years old. “I don’t know how he does it.” said Tracy “He may not have the prettiest teeth, but I know a lot of women who would kill to have his skin.”

Dracula faces arraignment on Monday.

 

 

 

 

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