Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Archive for the month “December, 2012”

Geneticists mystified by strange siamese twins

Siamese TwinsPortland, OR – Researchers at Oregon Health Science University remain mystified over a pair of conjoined twins born at the hospital nearly one year ago. The twins, who were not identified for reasons of patient confidentiality, are a small boy and a dolphin who are attached at the head.

Doctors have been studying the pair for months, and the debate remains whether or not the two can be separated without jeopardizing the health of one or the other.

Doctors suspect an ill-advised  téte-a-téte between the mother and a male dolphin to be the explanation for the conjoined twins.

Doctors suspect an ill-advised téte-a-téte between the mother and a male dolphin to be the explanation for the conjoined twins.

“We’ve been fishing for an explanation,” said Daryle Rico, head of OHSU Genetics Department, “but for now we have no idea how a boy and a dolphin could come from the same pair of parents.” Doctors speculate, however, that the odd pairing may be the result of a sexual rendezvous between a male dolphin and the boy’s mother in Hawaii.

Amazingly, the dolphin seems to be developing normally, despite the fact that it spends the majority of its time out of water. “We speculate that the dolphin has developed lungs and is breathing like a land mammal,” said Rico.

For now, doctors are in no rush to separate the twins. “They have developed a healthy symbiotic relationship,” said Rico, “and are even taking their meals together. Not only that, but the boy has taken a real liking to raw tuna.”

Costa Rican’s get-rich scheme goes tits up

Breast carBellevue, WA – Sergio Villalobos, a local Costa Rican immigrant living in the US under an expired work visa, was stunned to realize that his latest business venture has been a colossal failure. The business, Sergio’s Breast Augmentation Service has failed to land so much as a single client.  “I really thought I was onto something this time,” said a dejected Villalobos, “but my business went bust before the paint on my van was dry.”

According to Villalobos, his plan was to offer in-home breast augmentation for a flat fee of $2,800. “That’s just 1,400 bucks a pop,” added Villalobos. But for Seattle women, the affordability factor was not enough to overcome the fear of having a smarmy Costa Rican manhandling their mammaries while under anesthesia.

“Some people simply expect too much,” griped Villalobos.

In this 3-minute infomercial, Villalobos explains the concept of breast enhancement.

In this 3-minute infomercial, Villalobos explains the concept of breast enhancement.

For now, Villalobos has no idea what his next business move will be. And his neighborhood association has demanded that he not park his hot pink company car in the community parking lot. “I’m not sure what I’ll be doing next,” said Villalobos, “but I’ll keep you abreast.”

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