Clearlake, Minnesota – Fish & Wildlife investigators made a chilling discovery this morning when the body of Snuggles the Bear was found frozen solid following a night of freezing temperatures which swept upstate Minnesota. Snuggles, who was known nationally as the mascot for Snuggle Fabric Softener was 3 years old.
“I bet he’d give anything to be shoved in a nice warm dryer right about now,” said Fish & Wildlife investigator Daryle Rico, as he ripped Snuggles’ frozen carcass off a sheet of ice. “It just goes to show you when it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go.”
Forensic investigators were quick to note that, because of the freezing conditions, Snuggles’ body was found in near perfect condition, adding that it also had a delightful spring-fresh scent.
Authorities would not speculate as to how Snuggles may have wandered away from the laundry room and become stuck outside overnight. But a pile of cigarette butts and a half-fifth of Jack Daniels were found near his lifeless body.
Sun Products, the makers of Snuggles Fabric Softener, announced that a nationwide search would be launched immediately to find a successor.