Scientists scramble to find cure for incredible shrinking woman
Las Vegas, NV – It was a story out of a B-movie. Linda Maldonado had no sooner stepped out of her taxi and onto the Las Vegas Strip when she felt something was a little odd. “All the hotels looked so much taller than before,” she said. But it wasn’t that the buildings had grown taller; Maldonado was in fact shrinking!
Maldonado’s bizarre adventure began late last month when she visited Sin City to celebrate her boyfriend Israel Guerrero’s birthday. “Everyone else leaves Las Vegas with a tall tale to share,” said a dejected Guerrero. “But for me it was just the opposite.”
In a matter of days, the young Latina, who once stood just over 5′ tall, had shrunk to an incredible 11-inches in height. Maldonado claims she didn’t reach her diminutive stature all at once. “It happened little by little,” she explained, oblivious to her own pun.
While everyone loses a few centimeters in height as they grow older, doctors at nearby Sunset Medical Center were baffled as to why Maldonado was shrinking at such an exponential rate. “We had never seen anything like it,” said hospital spokesman Daryle Rico. “It was really big news – well, you know what I mean.”
It was only Guerrero’s quick thinking that prevented their Las Vegas vacation from becoming a complete disaster. “After I shrank out of clothes, Israel was able to find me a few Barbie doll outfits at Toys R Us,” said Maldonado. “Say what you will about her, but that blonde little bitch knows how to dress!”
As with her previous gambling trips, Maldonado says she will be leaving Las Vegas shorter than when she arrived. And her future remains uncertain. “We’ll probably have to find a new place to live,” she says.
“Oh, that’s just great,” grumbled Guerrero. “I’ll be going from a penthouse to a dollhouse in less than a week.”