Chinese girl blows birthday wish on Sum Yung Gai
Portland, OR – As little Judy Tan’s birthday cake emerged from the kitchen, an impromptu chorus of “Happy Birthday” rang forth from her friends gathered for her party. As Judy stood before her cake, she bowed her head and closed her eyes, her tiny hands folded in prayer. A moment later, she opened her eyes and blew out the lone candle, its smoke carrying her wish to the heavens.
While Tan would neither confirm nor deny it, most of those in attendance assumed she was praying for a boyfriend.
“She’s not getting any younger,” said long time friend Tara Humphrey. “Biologically speaking, I give her another 2-3 years before gravity settles in. Once her ass goes, she’s doomed.”
As Tan officially enters her 30’s – widely considered spinsterhood in her native Chinese culture – she is finding the pickings for a male suitor fewer and slimmer.
“I really can’t afford to be choosy too much longer,” Tan admitted. “My mom was hoping I’d meet a nice Chinese boy, but now I think she’d settle for any guy with a pulse.”
It’s not that guys haven’t been lining up around the block to court her. “I’ve been after Judy for 25 years,” claimed Daryle Rico. “That’s actually kind of sick when you do the math.”
Tan claims she is not ready to throw in the towel just yet. “I have a few options to fall back on,” she says. “There’s always Match dot com. Or, if worse comes to worse, I can always become a mail order bride. I only weigh 90 pounds, so I shouldn’t cost that much to ship.”