Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Bulgarian sophisticate calls off wedding; shitty bridesmaid dresses to blame

Friends say Nikolaeva was not at all pleased with the bridesmaid dresses chosen for her June wedding.

Portland, OR – For most of her adult life, Rositsa Nikolaeva has dreamed of a June wedding. And according to those who know her best, the young woman had been looking forward to her wedding for months. So family and friends were completely shocked when – seemingly out of nowhere – Nikolaeva suddenly called the whole thing off.

By her own admission, Nikolaeva is no longer the simple peasant girl her friends grew up with.

Nikolaeva, who hails from Bulgaria (then again, it might be Romania), claims to have a deep and abiding respect for her country’s cultural traditions. “Where I am from, the bride-to-be leaves all the planning up to her Maid of Honor,” explained Nikolaeva. “All the bride is expected to do is show up and get drunk.”

So when Nikolaeva entrusted her life-long friend Maschinka Madenoff to the task of planning her wedding, she thought she was in good hands. As it turned out, however, Nikolaeva’s dream wedding turned into her worst nightmare.

“I was completely stunned,” claimed Nikolaeva. “The church she chose for the ceremony looked like a barn, and the bridesmaids dresses were flat-out hideous. I wouldn’t care if it was Brad Pitt standing at the alter waiting for me, there was no way I was walking down that aisle!”

The Bulgarian Information Superhighway runs directly past the small church chosen for Nikolaeva’s June nuptials.

Following the sudden postponement, no word was given of a future date. For now, Nikolaeva’s wedding appears to be on permanent hold. “I may have to plan the whole thing myself on my smart phone during my work day,” said Nikolaeva. “I certainly don’t want it cutting into my dance time.”

On a related side note, Bulgaria, which in 2011 was named the worst place in Europe to raise children, now appears to have the inside track on being named the worst place in Europe to marry them off.

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