Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Costa Rican cage fighting promoter stirs outrage

Seattle, WA – Sergio Villalobos, who by his own admission will do most anything to earn a peso, found himself once again the center of controversy when it was revealed that he has been promoting children’s cage fighting.

Investigators claim that children as young as 2 years old have been encouraged to fight, prompted by little more than the promise of a Sesame Street juice box. Many of the combatants were still in diapers, as was Villalobos at the time of his arrest.

“This makes the Michael Vick incident look almost humane,” said lead investigator Daryle Rico of Children’s Protective Services. “Many of the children had severe cuts and bruises, and I don’t know when I’ve ever seen so much diaper rash.”

“I don’t understand what all the fuss is about,” claimed Villalobos. “It’s not as though I was promoting cockfighting – although now that I think about it, that’s not such a bad idea.”

Authorities from Children Protective Services allege that the Costa Rican national has been hosting the kiddie fights in his own living room and airing them via Pay Per View. Investigators claim that Villalobos had recruited most of the unwilling participants from a nearby child’s daycare facility, where he often entertained youngsters while posing as Crackers the Parrot.

“It’s a very ornate costume,” admitted Villalobos. “The feathers alone cost me nearly $7.”

The child combatants received no pay for their participation in the Kiddie Caged Combat league. Instead, their only reward was a Sesame Street juice box. Investigators claim that losers of the matches received only a wet sponge to suck on.

Now that his children’s cage fighting operation has been exposed, Villalobos has become a pariah at his new apartment community and has been forced to find a new place to live. He also claims his dream of establishing a professional Kiddie Caged Combat league is officially over. “It’s out for the count,” sighed Villalobos.

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