Local bee farmer wins Worst Dressed Man in America award
Vancouver, WA – Of all the labels one could use to describe Todd Er, ‘fashion plate’ is not one of them. For the third consecutive year, an august panel of fashion experts has chosen the local bee keeper the “Worst Dressed Man in America.”
The competition, which was open to candidates across the continental United States and Guam, looked to be tight in the early going, but in the final analysis it was Er’s notorious plaid shirt collection that earned him the honor.
“Loud, ugly and garish,” declared Head Judge and fashion guru Tom Ford. “Of course, I’m referring to Mr. Er, and not to his plaid shirt collection.”
Public reaction to the Er winning the award was unanimous.
“I wouldn’t wear one of those things to paint my house in,” said Daryle Rico. “And as far as his flannel shirts go, I think the wool looked better on the sheep.”
Er’s closest friends were quick to agree. Said long-time acquaintance Cheng Fang, “The only thing those shirts would look good on, is on fire.” His loyal supporter Beth Wheeler added, “They always look like he’s slept in them.”
According to Er, wearing plaid shirts is his way of setting himself apart from the crowd. Says his close friend Weston Tracy, “I know Todd is going for the rugged, outdoor look, but I think his bee-stung face accomplishes that.”
The exact number of plaid shirts in Er’s collection is unknown, though witnesses report seeing hundreds of them hanging in his closet. According to Tracy, “It’s just an endless row of ugliness.”
Er is unfazed by all the negative talk. “I don’t know what everyone is complaining about,” said Er, clutching his trophy. “My shirts are designer label: American Eagle.”
“Maybe so,” says Rico, “but from where I’m standing, they look more like an American eagle took a dump on them.”