Seattle, WA – For most of his life, Sergio Villalobos has had but one dream: becoming a super hero. Today, as the Costa Rican immigrant quickly approaches his 60th year, he has redoubled his efforts to fulfill his dream. Gone from his diet are the 20 oz bottles of cheap malt liquor and heaping bowls of Cocoa Puffs cereal. They have been replaced by protein shakes, leafy green vegetables and a steady supply of Metamucil.
But even as he now stands on the threshold of a glorious career as a super hero, his dream has been placed on hold by a wardrobe dilemma. Alas, it would appear, Villalobos cannot make up his mind as to which super hero he would like to be.
Weeks ago, Villalobos held a contest to see which of his friends could come up with the best idea for a super hero. Both of his friends rushed to respond, coming up with a wide range of characters that included Rain Forest Man, Crayola Man and Turtle Boy, each with their own costume. “Personally, I was somewhat partial to the Chicken Nacho Man outfit,” says Villalobo, “but I am not sure the placement of refried beans so close to my butt sends the right message.”
Though impressed by the number and variety of entries he received, Villalobos was disappointed that no one came up with a Salsa Man costume. Apparently, the very idea of a pale Villalobos wearing skin tight pants and a shirt cut to the navel was simply too repulsive to consider.
Villalobos claims to have multiple super powers, but apparently his major weakness is his inability to make a decision. “I hope to be in full costume by the end of the summer,” promises Villalobos. “By then the Emerald City will have a new hero to cheer.”