Seattle, WA – Move over, Charlie Brown. There’s a new loser in town.
If there’s one thing Karen (Kiki) Hendren sucks at, it’s playing Words With Friends. The popular online version of Scrabble has completely bewildered Hendren and made her the virtual laughing stock of the WWF community.
“I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve beaten her,” says her arch rival Daryle Rico. “I think the closest she’s come to winning was when I promised not to use any vowels against her.” Hendren countered by saying, “The only reason he continues to play me is to extend his damn winning streak.”
Hendren, who has played more than 2,500 matches since first discovering the game a few months ago, is still looking for her first victory. “I just have to be patient,” she insisted. “Eventually the law of averages has turn in my favor, right?”
Statisticians at the nearby University of Washington claim that Hendren actually stands a better chance of winning the lottery or being struck by lightning. And according to Las Vegas bookmakers, the only thing with higher odds is the likelihood of Hendren finding a full-time job.
Hendren is mystified by her colossal losing streak. “I don’t get it,” she says. “I go through at least one book every week.” Her close friends are quick to note, however, that Hendren’s personal library consists primarily of Dr. Seuss stories and books on tape.
Hendren blames her poor win-loss record on the California education system and a mild case of dyslexia that hampered her ability to read and write. “5th grade was the hardest three years of my life,” confessed Hendren.
She went on to claim that Words With Friends is played on a less than level playing field. “The game definitely favors smart people,” concluded Hendren. “I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but ‘smart’ isn’t one of them.”
Despite her poor showing, Hendren remains undeterred in her determination to win a game some day. “I may not be the goodest player,” she admits “but I’m sure I’m not the worstest either.”