Rico's Ramblings

My answer to the question: what do you do all day?

Old geezer refuses to accept advancing age; latest Abercrombie & Fitch ensemble fools no one

Portland, OR – Some people doubt that man has actually set foot on the moon. Others refuse to believe the Kennedy Assassination was the work of one person. Then there is Daryle Rico, who refuses to accept the fact that he is getting old.

“He’s really quite pathetic to watch,” laments Tanya Cox. “The poor bastard shaves his gray hair every morning and hides his Depends diapers under the bathroom sink, ” she claims. “I rue the day when I actually have to start changing them for him.”

No one is exactly sure just how old Rico is. Estimates vary from 62 to as high as 70, and speculation mounts that he may soon be reaching triple digits.  “I’m pretty sure he carries a AARP card,” says close friend Leticia Parga. “The cheapskate uses it to receive his senior discount when he takes me to Denny’s.”

“I asked him how old he was one time,” claims Tram Watson. “He said he’d tell me his age if I told him my weight. So obviously his age remains a secret.”

“He’s the only person I know who actually fought in the Civil War,” says Judy Tan. “Oh wait, maybe it was the Gulf War. Crap, what do I know about American history – I’m Chinese.”

Rico has spared no effort or expense to keep his age a secret. His wardrobe is almost entirely Abercrombie & Fitch and he is known to hang out with Latina and Asian girls easily half his age. “The old fool actually believes he is ‘blending in’,” says Linda Maldonado. “Dancing with him is like dancing with my uncle, except my uncle has the decency to keep his hands off my butt.”

Rico, who is no spring chicken, continues to dress like one.

Rico, who is desperate to expand his social circle before heading off to the old folks home, has recently resorted to seeking new friends on Facebook, a popular social networking site. “He’s hit on most all my friends,” claims Khiem Truong. “Lucky for them, most of them are Vietnamese and can’t understand a word he is saying.”

Rico’s male friends have mixed feelings. “I applaud him for still trying to run with the big dogs,” says Todd Er. “But at his age, most dogs are usually put down.”

Friends express concern over Rico’s mid-life crisis. “I wish he’d just accept the fact that he’s no longer a spring chicken,” says Cox. “He smells like some kind of domestic fowl, but it’s probably just his diaper that needs changing.”

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One thought on “Old geezer refuses to accept advancing age; latest Abercrombie & Fitch ensemble fools no one

  1. kanu gulati on said:

    Hahah Daryle. You crack me up.. Your ‘ramblings’ make me smile silly..

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