Nevada woman charged with devouring Smithsonian exhibit
WASHINGTON, DC – Officials at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History were shocked this morning to discover that one of their prize exhibits had been destroyed over the holiday weekend by a ravenous tourist. The exhibit in question, the museum’s giant Tyrannosaurus Rex, had been completely eaten to the bone.
Taken into custody early Monday was Ridia Namirez, of Las Vegas, Nevada. According to authorities, Namirez claimed she had been locked inside the museum after closing hours and forced to remain on-site until it re-opened on Monday. Surveillance tapes show she had become stuck in a turnstile while on her way to see the Hope Diamond.
Museum officials were completely flabbergasted. “We’re talking about a 14,000 pound exhibit,” exclaimed Museum Director, John Williams. “And that’s not even real meat, it’s vulcanized rubber!
“You could have fooled me,” replied Namirez. “It tasted a lot like chicken.”
Officials were equally amazed at how quickly Namirez was to take down the giant beast. “She was able to eat it clean to the bone in less than 48 hours,” estimated Williams. “I could have eaten it a lot faster than that,” boasted Namirez, “but I got lost coming back from the little girls’ room.”
When questioned by authorities as to why she chose to eat the enormous reptile in the first place, Namirez claimed she had little choice. “Have you seen the prices in the vending machine?” she asked. “It’s a sad day in this country when we have to pay $3 for a Snickers bar.”
Under questioning, Namirez admitted that the T-Rex was not her first choice. “At first, I thought about eating the Wooly Mammoth,” confessed Namirez. “but I decided I didn’t want to be picking hair out of my teeth all afternoon.”
Namirez was booked and charged with trespassing and destruction of a national treasure. Enroute to jail, she reportedly asked arresting officers if she was too late for breakfast.
Museum officials plan to repair the exhibit as soon as possible but are unlikely to label it “The world’s largest carnivore.” “That distinction clearly belongs to Miss Namirez,” said Williams.